duplicity ic inbox - SECOND STAY

[perfectible]

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[perfectible]

You really think it's that bad?

[ what has she done? ]

[sunmon]

Is it that hard to imagine, after what I already told you?

[ or does revenge really excuse it? ]

[perfectible]

Do you like the things you do? That you consider "bad"?

[sunmon]

[ parts of it, maybe. but the parts that were terrible? that made her feel responsible for the awful things he'd done in turn? ]

No.
I didn't have to enjoy it. It was enough that it hurt him.

[perfectible]

Do you want me to tell you're a bad person? Is it so hard to believe that I don't think you are especially when you don't think I am?

[sunmon]

No.
I don't know what I want.
A way to stop believing it about myself.

[perfectible]

Talking about it can help.
Also knowing you're not alone and there are people who believe you are better than you think you are.

[sunmon]

All talking about it has ever done for me is make me realize how little my friends understand.

[ not entirely fair. but she'd always wound up in screaming matches with mal. ]

[perfectible]

Maybe you haven't talked to the right person yet.

[sunmon]

I'd certainly like that to be true.

[perfectible]

You can always talk to me, here, that is.

[sunmon]

I'm not going to make you listen to my problems.

[perfectible]

You're not making me, I'm offering.

It's actually nice to have a friend.

[sunmon]

[ a persuasive enough argument. she waffles on it for a bit. ]

The things that I've done to humiliate my Submissive won't do anything to help fight him. It won't stop him.
I don't even enjoy doing it.
All it does is make me feel like, for a moment, I'm in control.

[perfectible]

[ holy shit she relates to this. except for her, sometimes it feels good to do bad things. ]

Sometimes... I get lost in that feeling. Sometimes it's good to feel control when the world keeps taking it away from us.

[sunmon]

That's exactly it.
As much as I don't want the responsibility, I don't trust anyone else with it.
But I'm not happy. And I'm not winning.
Humiliating the Darkling doesn't get me closer to beating him. It doesn't help em fight him. It just hurts us both.
Then he repays the favor.