perfectible | duplicity ic inbox

[ she doesn't mean to shut him out. it's just... in this place she's had to stop relying on anyone but herself. people come and go so often. even reggie who's been here consistently the whole time she's been here doesn't feel like a sure thing. he's going to move on soon and she'll have to find another contract in a month or two.

she can't offer to find someone for him, that's too awkward. she knows he can find someone himself. he's attractive and kind, he's less reserved than her too, it shouldn't be hard.

she takes a moment to measure her response, however.] Then is that... you want to find a submissive for... us to be with? [ is that it? does he feel left behind or is it more than that? or is it less? ]

No. I don't want to find someone to share you with. ( dangerous is the correct word here. meeting betty's eyes is challenging and she's not someone he wants to be comfortable lying to. they should be able to talk about this here where the impossible is asked of them every day and they don't have any of the reasons that would normally make them avoid it. archie doesn't have betty's memories but he has some of the moments from back in riverdale. their almosts, the might-have-beens. )

And I don't want to hurt Veronica or Jughead if they show up here. I hate the idea of you struggling to find someone every month. I hate thinking about you being locked up and encouraged to jump the nearest person. But if I don't have to worry about those things, then... ( he shrugs. he won't. he'll try to stop. )

Edited (i can probably spell/type) 2021-06-11 07:29 (UTC)

[ she catches the way he phrases it. the way he says he doesn't want to share her with someone else. her feels like it's beating a little fast and she has to remind herself this isn't safe territory, that every time they head down this road, before they can get very far, he gets sent away, sent home.

he brings up two names she doesn't want to hear but needs to. she needs to be reminded what's at stake even if she knows it's too late. jughead will be hurt no matter what happens if he comes and maybe veronica too. she'll bear it better but...

she blinks away from his gaze and looks down for a moment feeling shame for making him worry like this, to see him struggle because of her.] I'll find someone, Archie. I promise you won't have to worry about those things. I promise I'll take care of it. [ so he doesn't have to. she'll go to kind strangers if she has to. but for now, she has reggie and a few select other submissives she can turn to.]

Edited 2021-06-11 07:32 (UTC)

( veronica and jughead will forgive them the universe as long as they're upfront about it and they hear it from their respective partners' mouths. archie could sleep with all of duplicity and he thinks veronica would get it. she wouldn't love it but after experiencing it herself, she's too smart not to be able to see why he did. jughead too, eventually. but he thinks this? them? it's not forgivable. )

I'm not ( he spreads his hands, gesturing in frustration ) trying to pressure you to go out and handle it either.

( he leans back into the couch, dropping his head against the top in exasperation. it's not so hard to look at her when he gives in to the exhaustion and lazily turns his head, slumping into the cushions. despite his better judgement, he reaches for betty's hand and cups it in his palm, folding his fingers over hers gently. )

Everything about this sucks.

[ archie's thought process isn't wrong. they could both sleep with everyone here and it wouldn't hurt jughead or veronica more than it would if they slept together.

the thing is for betty. this? them? it's already happened. she's already seen the hurt in jughead's eyes when he finds out. she already experienced the anguish of it. and so she should want to avoid it again, avoid hurting him or veronica with this, right? ]

I know, [ she says quietly, her eyes closing for a moment, thinking for an absurd moment that home would be less complicated than this place. she opens her eyes when he takes her hand and she shifts closer to him again, moving to lay her head on his shoulder like she's done so many times before.]

But it's somehow better than not having each other at all.

Edited 2021-06-11 07:58 (UTC)

( he wishes he was as logical as the rest of his friends. wouldn't it be nice, emotions taking the backseat to logic consistently? there's a heavy feeling in his stomach that's likely only a fraction of what betty feels. he can't miss what he's never had. that's what he tells himself whenever that familiar yearning crops up uninvited. it's messed up because he does love veronica. but, there's a maybe that hasn't stopped haunting him after all this time.

betty curls back into him and archie holds onto her hand tigether when what he really wants to do is put his arm around her and tuck her into his side comfortably, hold onto like nothing can take her away. he wants to touch the side of his head to hers, resting without sleeping. saying everything without opening his stupid mouth. she's not looking at him but archie hasn't stopped watching her. )

When I first got here and you told me about us, and you said it was okay that I didn't feel the same. Did you mean that?

[ betty isn't sure if she can be anything but logicial in this place anymore, if she even has the capacity. it's the only way to survive here, to justify the choices she's made, the things she's done, as just ways she's made it through this place. when in reality, she's a little afraid this is really the person she is.

at his question, she lets out a breath.] Yes. [ she did mean it. she can't make him feel how he doesn't feel and she doesn't want to, especially in a place that plays with consent and toys with emotions. ]

I can't and won't hold you to things you don't remember. [ and she'd tried to move on from the idea of them.] Sometimes I wonder if I should have even told you...

Edited 2021-06-11 08:15 (UTC)

( she exhales and archie holds his. what's the use of asking? what's he trying to accomplish? she's obviously conflicted. archie loves betty, he always has, but the type of love he holds for her has been a source of much confusion for him. he envies how in touch with her feelings she seems sometimes — it's the conviction she has in herself, the confidence and ease of which she tells people. he's not withholding with intimacy and he's nowhere close to unfeeling but archie has a hard time with being decisive. )

Why? ( does she regret telling him and not carrying the burden alone? because maybe archie would go on denying that part of himself but it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. ) Because without a doubt, there's hardly anything I wouldn't do for you if you asked. Those limits might as well go out the window in dire situations. But I wouldn't say or do something only to make you feel better.

( he hopes she knows that. he wouldn't pretend for her. )

[ that's the problem, betty doesn't know what she wants from archie anymore than archie knows what he wants from her. there was a time when he first arrived that she held onto a fervent, quiet hope that they could try to be together, to nurture those feelings they'd always danced around, the feelings that sprung forward after they'd had sex. not just the sort of sex this place requires of people but something... intimate.

then he disappeared, only to come back with no memory of it. something she thought she would have grown used to (jughead had been here twice with no memory, other friends too). but it isn't easy.

he deserves an answer to his question, especially when he admits that he'd do just about anything for her, just like she'd do the same.] I know, it's just... [ she lifts her head from his shoulder as she shrugs, keeping her hand in his for now.] It's unfair to you, I guess. That Archie wasn't exactly you, he'd been through different things. With me. And it feels like I put a burden on you by telling.

Oh. ( imagine having imposter syndrome to begin with and then having it amplified by yourself. archie would laugh at how ridiculous it is to be jealous of himself if he had the energy and the objectivity. of course, he's grateful for how honest they can be to each other ( definitely not themselves ), now if only he knew what to do with that piece of information. ) You're right. Not about the burden thing. You're not and you never have been, not with anything you've said to me.

I'm not him. ( he squeezes her hand twice and then retracts it, combing it through his hair. both of his hands end up loosely in his lap for lack of anything else to do with them. he wants to touch betty and that's something else he hates — if he despises it, maybe it'll keep him from repeating it. ) I'm still happy you were here when I woke up.

I wouldn't take it back. Knowing about us.

[ he pulls his hand away from hers and she wonders if she said the wrong thing, if she shouldn't have said anything at all even if his words do ease some of her worries. that she isn't a burden and what she'd said wasn't either, that he was glad she was still here for him.]

Okay-- [ she nods a little, shifting so she's not leaning on him so much, but not moving away from him.] And I wouldn't take back the things that have happened between us. [ she hopes that doesn't bother him or make him uncomfortable but there are times she's sure she wouldn't have survived this place without him.]

Edited 2021-06-14 06:20 (UTC)

Maybe we should take that as a win. You and I can talk about anything, share our best and worst moments. Hold onto each other. ( they're not literally holding each other now because archie heard what betty said. it doesn't occur to him that she's letting him choose, only that he's not the version of himself that she wants him to be. ) Most people don't have friends from home and if they do, they're not lucky enough to have you in their corner.

( he stops being lazy, lifts his head to idly watch the screen instead of telling her too much with his eyes. he had this crazy idea that she could sleep here, next to him — not as a means of pushing them towards something else. he imagined it with their clothes on. he doesn't know if he manages to remove the disappointment from his voice. )

[ she doesn't want him to be anyone but who he is. whatever disappointment she felt about him coming back and not remembering the things that happened between them was tempered by the guilt she felt about betraying jughead in that way. a part of her felt sadness but a part of her also felt relief.

and for once, it's archie that's not pushing her to temptation, he's being steadfast in this moment. so she nods in agreement, trusting herself only in that for now, turning her attention to the tv as he does.]

( sitting in silence with betty is a timeless hobby, something they've done since they were kids in their backyards or his garage. one of their houses in the living room, spread out on the floor. they've stared at each other through a shared window, wordlessly seeking comfort during the highs and lows. right now, it feels tense. he picks at his thumbnail, fidgeting, trying to wrap his head around whatever plot's unfolding before them.

it's a heist movie? maybe? he missed the last fifteen minutes or so. ) Do you wanna watch something else?

It's fine. [ to be honest, she doesn't mind it and she hopes that he falls asleep sooner rather. not just because he needs the rest but because she isn't sure how else to approach this situation.] It's better than some of the stuff on tv, right?

I know I said I wanted to watch something but we should probably call it a night. ( he is tired in a way that recovering takes its toll. he's groggy, but mostly he doesn't know what to do or say now either. it's awkward. he doesn't want their friendship to be weird like this. )

It's late and— ( i made it weird ) And we probably shouldn't be hanging out in my room after midnight if we don't want citations.

( it's true, although it sounds weak even to his own ears. )

[ she would have been fine with sitting in silence to be honest but she's made things awkward. even though he implies that if she stays, things might happen that earns them a citation. so she moves to sit up.]

Yeah, [ she shouldn't have said what she did, brought it up again. and most of all, she knows he's got to be tired, despite having been asleep for as long as he had. sometimes it just works that way.

standing, she smoothes out her shirt.] Call me if you need anything, okay?

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