perfectible | duplicity ic inbox

[ This is something he should've done days ago, just like he should've told Betty about Lucy straight away, just like he should've been more on top of things than he has been. It's his fault. He knows that, is perhaps the only thing he knows after the last couple of days. He's no less tired than he was in the Gray Room but that's okay.

Waiting comes with the disadvantage of not knowing how to breach this growing radio silence. He makes a few false starts, typing and deleting, feeling like he has so much to say but lacks the words to say it. That doesn't usually happen.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

I miss you. ]

hey

[ The radio silence is maddening, especially in light of what's happening in the city and not knowing if he's safe or not. But it's like before, the last time he was here and needed space to think, she has to give him the time. And each day drags on despite her attempts at distracting herself.

And when he reaches out, she feels like she might crumble with relief, the weight of worrying about him, about them has been crushing her. ]

Are you safe?

Yeah, I'm safe.

Are you?

Yes. I've been staying with Bellamy and Emma.

Good.

[ He has no idea who they are, but that doesn't matter. ]

I'm sorry about what happened before. That was completely unacceptable.

I'm sorry it got so out of hand.

I'm sorry that you didn't find out about me and Archie from me. I should have told you even if you said you didn't want to know. I know it's different with him.

Betty, it's okay. I've suspected something happened for awhile now. It doesn't bother me that you were together while I wasn't here, or that you didn't tell me about it.

It just felt like you've held me to a different standard.

I still should have told you.

And I'm not trying to hold you to a different standard. I would understand if you were with someone if I wasn't here.

I know we talked about trying to keep things open. I just wasn't ready to see it right in my face without knowing about it first. I thought maybe it'd be something we'd talk about first.

And something similar happened with Lucy before. It was just a lot all at once.

I understand that. I do. That wasn't how I wanted things to go down.

If I'd known you were there, I wouldn't have let anything happen. I wasn't trying to rub your face in it or... or even be public about it. It just happened.

I know, you're not that kind of person.

I am sorry, Betty. I really am. I should have told you as soon as anything happened.

And I don't know if it's worth anything, but I haven't slept with her. We've kissed. That's it.

[ Somehow, knowing it's not something more physical than emotional.... that makes it feel so much worse. But she can't say that given what he apparently thinks about her capacity for cold compartmentalization. That's something she'll need to struggle with on her own.]

I think we have to choose to start being honest with each other, no matter what. Even if things are falling apart around us.

[ They are both guilty of this. Of trying to spare each other. ]

Edited 2019-10-10 16:47 (UTC)

[ To be fair, this is the first time they've really had to face this. The only experience he has to go on is what happened with Toni, or Archie's explanation for what happened with Betty the night they caught the apparently fake Black Hood. Nothing but kisses in the moment, nothing serious and while he cares about Lucy, he doesn't understand how Betty can see her as a real threat. ]

Agreed. We can't wait for a good opportunity. [ With the way things work here, chances are they'll never get one. ]

I won't see her again.

I don't want that, Jughead. I saw the way you were with her. You looked happy even when you were exhausted. I understand, she is kind and patient and gracious.

I'm not the same person I used to be. I know things back home and here have made me... different. Changed.

[ This is the hardest thing in the world to type: ]

You deserve someone like her.

What?

[ No seriously, what? ]

I'm not going to pretend that I don't like her. I do.

But I love you. Betty, you're everything to me. I honestly don't know what I would do without you in my life, here or at home. I need you.

[ God, it helps to read that. To have that reassurance after all of it, after everything that was said, the hurt that as shelled out on both sides.]

I love you too, Jughead. That's why it hurt, that's why I reacted the way I did and that's why I don't want you to stop seeing her if it makes you happier.

I'm barely hanging on here. I don't want you to feel that way here. I need you and I can't lose you because of this or anything else.

You're not going to lose me. Not to anything. I want to be there for you, whenever you need me.

We've been through so much together already and maybe it's not a bad idea to have people who are... uncomplicated. Not as a replacement, but as a supplement. We don't have the support here that we do back home. We can't go to our parents when we need help.

We only have each other and maybe that will only hurt us in the long run.

I don't think I can handle uncomplicated at the moment. If you need that, I'm okay with that. She's good for you and she wants what's good for you, I can see that.
[ She doesn't know if she could ever be uncomplicated again. Everything she touches turns to darkness, it feels like. Everything she feels is intense, so intense.

And she won't point out that she doesn't have parental support back home, not that his support system has been a good example of strength until lately. But she catches his meaning. ]

Are you absolutely sure?

[ This needs to be completely and honestly worked out. He can't risk having another incident like that again. ]

Yes. I just don't want to be caught off guard again. Be transparent with me, please.

The only other thing I ask is... our bed is ours. I want our house to be ours. If it survives this. Maybe that's stupid but...

I promise.

And I don't think that's stupid. I want the same thing, whenever you find someone. Never in the house.

I promise too. [ To all of it, to the house rule, to being transparent with him, to making herself okay with this even if it will take some time. ]

Do you still need some time?

No, I think I'm good.

[ Calmer, less torn up about this, more level headed. More like himself. ]

You?

I'd like to see for myself that you're in one piece.

Fair enough.

I'm going to need some directions.

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